I was making lunch the other day, just something simple. I had veggies with pork. I marinated the pork when I got up early in the morning because I wanted the flavor to sink in a little bit more. As I was cooking for lunch, I was going through the same process, same procedures, almost the same amount of salt as I could remember from the last time I was making this dish. But the results were terrible. Not only did I not cook the veggies thoroughly, I added too much salt, and I think I had mistaken sugar for salt. Also, I’ve added too much water for making the rice, hence extra soggy and extra tasteless. This is when I realized how much I still have to recover. I kept telling myself that “it’s over” “it’s done” “let it go” “get over her” “forget about her” “move on”, I’ve also been satisfied about how I feel, being more calm if I recall any past memories. My heartache comes back less and less, and I think my heart is ready to really “move on”. But this cooking story has proved me wrong. The lunch was so bad that I almost wanted to just throw everything in the bin. However, I didn’t. I ate all the crap that I made, I finished the rice, I ate EVERYTHING. Swallowing the bits of anger, frustration, and letting it sink in, just so I can recall where I had gone wrong. Nothing seemed wrong, but the results speaks differently.
After that incident last week, I started cooking more again, for myself and for my family. Through this I understood that I didn’t really have to bear everything myself, my family is there for me, always. No matter how salty it tasted, how bland it tasted, they were willing to eat with me, and enjoy our time together. I cook better now though 😀
My thoughts are still everywhere, and this blog has been a good example of how I am still unable to function properly… but it will act as a journal which I can continue to rant xD